Full Name: David Theodore Neilson
Celebrity Lookalike: Kevin Spacey
Rep Honours: Napier Junior Pirate Deck Scrubbers
Position: First Five
Siblings: 1 brother, 1 sister
100m PB: 23.87s
Max Bench: Carrying Tuhoe Mahaki at work
Favourite Drink: Espresso Martini
Favourite Movie: When Harry Met Sally
Favourite Food: Seafood Special
One to watch: Toots Waenga
Duck is now in his 2nd year at Pally, having moved to Perth with his family in 2017. Originally from Napier, NZ he has established himself as a regular in Premier Grade, contributing to the team winning the Minor Premiers in 2017 after the regular season. On the field Duck is known for his impeccable kicking game and the ability to get the team out of trouble when they need it most. Off the field he is known to have a fiery temper and actually missed the start of the season after checking himself into an overseas two week rural retreat ran by Tibetan Monks. He now proudly boasts the abilities to rip a phone book in half with one hand and break a pile of 16 bricks with nothing but his forehead. He also practices the ancient Indian art of Tantra in his spare time (see profile pic), explaining that his life role model is Finch from American Pie.
When he has time he enjoys playing golf with his mates and socialising at the Belmont Tavern. He is a sprinkler fitter by trade, which is actually his 2nd choice profession - with the first being a fireman. He tells us that he used to hear his mum beg his dad at home to come home as a fireman, so that’s what got him interested in the profession. Funnily enough, I was speaking to his son Bentley by chance the other day and I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up as well - he said he wanted to be a school teacher, as that’s what his dad keeps asking Claire to be……definitely a very professional household, the Neilsons.
Duck’s one to watch this year is returning overseas recruit Toots Waenga. We asked him why Toots was his “One To Watch”, to which he replied “Well, I love the way he laughs. I just wish some of the boys would play rugby with as much effort as he puts into his laugh. He has a real feel good factor about him and always manages to bring the best out in people….plus he told me he likes school teachers too so that’s something we have in common”.
Full Name: Dylan Charles Cunningham
[b]Nickname: Quokka, Bowser
Celebrity Lookalike: Jack Black
Rep Honours: Pally Piglets
Position: No. 8
Siblings: 1 brother & 1 sister
100m PB: (Doesn’t do 100m)
Max Bench: 175kg
Favourite Drink:[b] Corona Vortex
[b]Favourite Movie: Agent Cody Banks
Favourite Food: Mi Goreng Noodles
One to watch: Joe Simeon
The Quokkadile has been a part of the Pally setup for a number of seasons now, rotating his efforts between 1st and 2nd Grade. He is last year’s Reserve Grade captain, leading them through an undefeated campaign and helping Reserve Grade go back-to-back seasons with no losses. His non-compromising style of play has seen Dylan been given the captain’s armband in Premier Grade this year also. Despite his tiny, infant sized hands he still possesses one of the Southern Hemisphere’s most feared stiff arms, sitting more people down with the lock of an elbow than Tuhoe Mahaki when he’s asked to buy a round. Away from rugby, Quokka is a full time locksmith and a father of one. His other interests include golf, crosswords and go-karting (hence the nickname “Bowser”). On Saturday nights you can often also find him involved in below average dance-offs in, club sponsor, The Newport in Freo, where he more often than not finishes 2nd. Ironically, the only time he finished first led to the birth of his daughter, something he stresses is the best thing that’s ever happened to him. Now a family man, he and best friend Mike McMillan often organise playdates in their spare time where the children are made to sit unattended in a different room while the two of them play Fortnite until their eyesight goes blurry. In 2010 Dylan was voted most eligible senior at his high school - an award he still has proudly displayed on his mantlepiece alongside his Home Economics participation award.
Another thing you might not know about Dylan is that he once auditioned for the TV show “Big Brother” but was rejected on the grounds that crap dancing and playing Playstation for hours on end just wasn’t entertaining enough.
This week he has suggested we take a closer look at Django Joe Simeon on the field. When pressed for a reason he wanted us to pay close attention to the number of times he takes a knee during the game. “I’m pretty sure Django was born without lungs. The only thing more regular than Django’s rests are the number of birthday’s Tuhoe goes to during the season”.
Updated 16:27 - 11 Jun 2018 by Palmyra Media